2D Design - Assignment 1 - ( Unconventional Self Portrait )

Since Miss Lisa was away, she gave us our assignment 1 brief online. It is an unconventional portrait. This assignment focused on what we are at this moment of our life. It is how we see ourself and express ourself. It is more like telling more about our feelings and story.

After reading the outline, I started to think something that is memorable to me. I started to search my arts and craft box and found a cross stitch cloth. I sat down and remember that day when my mom teaches me stitching. It was a great feeling staying close to her as I seldom goes towards anyone in my family. Even if we are seating side by side in the car, I feel uneasy if they tries to get closer with me.

I started to plot the story behind my self portrait. Starting from the day I was born. It was all beautiful and happy. I thought I could have it forever. Until a moment when something happened during my childhood. I thought i was loved and appreciated and pampered. It was all a lie. At that moment when i knew the truth, I could'nt understand what am I going through. But as time goes by, I realized the serious side of this problem. Day by day my heart rips apart more and more. I felt trashed, shamed, dirty and disgusted. I started to be rebelious and aggresive. I could'nt face them as I did in the past. Our relationship gets further and further. It continues to an extent where even my closest friends chose to leave me. At that moment of life i feel that everthing I have was just a lie. Everthing would be gone by the time I tried to grab it. I thought of leaving everthing behind and go to a place where no one knows who I am. While packing, my younger brother came into my room and asked what am I doing? Till then, I noticed that I am insane. I said that I was clearing the old clothes and asked him to leave me alone.

I thought of everything. I started to calm myself. Eversince I put myself on guard. Sealing myself from receiving any feelings and numb myself as long as I could hold it. It continue to an extent where whenever i laugh or cry, I could'nt feel my emotions.

And now where I am a university student, I feel really insecure in this unfamiliar environment. Afraid that I would open up to my coursemates, afraid of getting attached, afraid of them leaving me. Once again, I became more and more aggresive and sealing myself more. But it ends up hurting someone I really wanted to grab on and trust. I broke the bond. And now I am going to open up to everyone that treats me good. Even if I lose them, atleast we had trust.

Process

Self Portrait
In the self portrait, there was a girl trying to grab the butterfly. When she tries to touch it, the balloon (calm) in her hand flew off. The butterfly represents the basic elements of life as I have used the primary colors which is red, blue and yellow. These colors represents the emotions in life. As she tries to grab it. the butterfly will move away and she realized that the balloon had flew not far. She grabs it back and apparently lost track of the butterfly. This means that whenever i tried to gain something, I will lose something. But as time goes by, My hair grows and I need to chop it off one day. It is up to me for when am I going to. And know, I need to let it go. I don't want to hurt anyone around me anymore. I will grab the balloon and the butterfly will come to me.